I am grateful and humbled.

This has been an amazing journey inside an amazing journey. I can remember when I got the first letter from Mark, and my life was still imploding. Throughout the journey through these levels I have continued to “dig out” from the collapse. I finished up therapy that taught me a lot about myself, revealed the depths of the things I was struggling with and why. I had health problems to where I wrote up a last will and testament at one point. I had to move and re-establish myself once again. I struggled to hold onto a place to live. I was rationing my food. I lost my health insurance and had to wean myself off the medication I was taking. I went through a horrible depression despite all I had learned. I tried many different ways to incorporate what I was learning from Neothink and many failed. I still have negative effects from that time I am having to surmount. But I have gotten this far and survived this long. I am very grateful for this, just to still be alive, to still have the opportunity to chase my dreams, me Friday Night Essence, still have the opportunity to go for the life I want to live and still come through for myself and for others. I will state frankly that I still have a way to go. But just to be alive and still have the chance to do it is incredible. I can remember what life used to be like. I had hit a mid-life crisis and the psychological endgame was dragging me down to where I could not even function any more in the anticivilization that was killing me. I was looking at the physical endgame and having nothing to show for it. There has been so much that was so painful that has happened to me and I very easily could not be here any more. But I am, and I am very grateful. I will try to explain.

In my freshman year in college I was in a car wreck. I was thrown forty feet from the car (that was distance; I think I was thrown much higher) and as I realized where I was at one point – it seemed like stories in the air – the realization hit me. This was it. I was not scared. I accepted it and just waited to hit the ground. I did not die, obviously – I am still here typing this integration – but I had injuries that would take a while to fully heal. I bring this up because I can remember the day I got out of the hospital. It was a late spring day, the kind where the sum warms your back and it’s nice enough out where you don’t need a jacket. It was sunny out and there were only small clouds in the sky. Everything – the trees, the grass – had all sprouted and turned green. The birds were chirping. Now and again a breeze would blow, rustling the leaves. I experienced all these things more differently that day, because I never expected to see any of them again. I have felt that way again as I progress in this, more and more. I still have some struggles and some hard times yet to go through. But again, I am still here to do it, and I am just very grateful. It is a good thing to be able to fight and disavow the psychological endgame and I look forward to doing even more to reverse the physical endgame. Just to even be here and still be around to be a part of this is a gas.