my first i am recollection level11&12integration

ok
to begin
i am in a state of mind where i am endeavoring to remember the experience of first being conscious of myself as myself.
for me it was at a relatively late age maybe 9-12 years.

my first experiences of life were awareness of me inside of a body and an ability to command this body and use this body like a tool. perhaps observing detachly feeling detachly sensing detachly. key word detached. that is me.
i suspect some unspoken trauma or catastrophic event or events occurred early in my life that i don’t recall or am unable to recall
that which helped set me on the path of a seeker of truth.
seeking answers to questions like why am i here? what is my purpose in life? is there really a god? why should i continue to live? why not remove my life from this existence?

there are a few life circumstances that discouraged/discourage me from participating in life to a fuller extent.
though i did observe that others seemed much more engaged in pursueing life and its goals than i.
i was seeking answers to pressing issues like should i continue living or not.
i’ve long since resolved that issue and have determined that life is a gift.
no matter what the circumstances your life it should be expressed with purpose. experiencing life knowing that yoou can and should live forever is a purpose.

so as i evolved my pursuit of life in my own detached manner i labelled my self a seeker of truth.

i sought out sources of knowledge that might provide me with the answers to the questions that i had.

i performed experiments of life which might also provide me with answers to the questions that i had.

i became a member of various churches esoteric organizations in order to perform some of these experiments more realistically.
as a seeker of truth i entered each of these organizations on the premise that they held the answers that i seek and that they were who they said they were.
it turns out that each and everyone of these orgainzations were not who they said they were.
how do i know this? it turns out that my detached self in me which is me as far as i know determined what is and what is not.

further by putting myself thru these experiences and by exposing myself to the writings of philosophers poets military strategists nt_frank r wallace and by exposing myself to the music of great composers i learned that there is a component of myself that seems to know everything about certain things.
or perhaps by my involvement with an experience with life this component of my self is called to action and does what this component of my being does best.

what this component of my being is capable of has been a life long pursuit for me.
with the completion of the SOS 12 essence meetings and having read the heirloom volumes and my recent acquisition of frank r wallace pax nt and this wrintng of my 11 and 12 essence meetings integrations something has snapped in place for me and i expect to pursue in my own manner which probably will not mean becoming an A teamer at least not immediately. i am not ready.

where am i now
i think therefore i am
i am still me. i have not changed.
i am perhaps more enlightened.
more and more of the dross falls away.
having experienced the relative fullness of nt frank r wallace/nt mark hamilton i can now define dross as mysticism laziness dishonesty irrationality the_anticivilization and i can say that more of these things have fallen from me.

that which is not fully integrated honesty reality rational the qualities of a god-man the civilization of the universe are
drying up shriveling towards null points forever blowing away.

so where am i now.
i am right back where i started from.
my earliest recollection of me being aware of my self.
i think there for i am.
i am aware therefore i am here.
i am in a body and can do things thru this vehicle/tool this body.
i can interact with my environment and with others.
yet at the same time i sense that everything about me is like dross.
this dross seems to have life of its own.
it is like a deep dark pit pulling me in a wrong direction if i let it.

as one who thinks and therefore is as one who is unchangeable/eternal in nature existing here for a purpose
i therefore recognize the dross.
i therefore resist the dross with tools of nt frank r wallace/nt mark hamilton

frank r wallace stated that the civilization of the universe is focused on business/science/art wielded by zons who are beings trinitarian mind/body/spirit. one could state also that these zons are ET extra terrestrial. one could also state that all humans on this planet are ET extra terrestrial and have to become re-aquainted with their true roots once again.

i now formularize some things.

i am unchangeable/eternal a zon child.
learning to recognize the dross (the anticivilization/the anti zon/the anti conscious life).
learning to resist the dross (the anticivilization/the anti zon/the anti conscious life).
the experience and knowledge that i acquire by doing this will change me more and more to the adult zon/god being of the civilization of the universe that i am destined to become.
the change towards becoming this zon god being of the civilization of the universe builds great power and influence on others to be of like mind as i am/as i am yet becoming.
i need not say a word i need only to become the fullness of my destiny bit by bit.
that is not to say that the mark hamilton application the tool of clubhouses/secret meetings etc will not hasten the desired result
for the rest of us who are yet to be as i am becoming. the mark hamilton application is good it is hard work it is grass roots and probably the only fast track approach to getting the job done.
without this one on one with oneself which to me is
recognize/resist/gain knowledge/gain experience/change more and more from the child infant zon towards a more adult zon_gaining great power and influence on others to be of like mind as you are evolving the mark hamilton application the clubhouse etc will ultimately fail.

conveying this my point yet another way.
there are speaking assumptively adult zons in our universe right now.
from great distances they influence all of consciousness and creation both individually and conglomerately to do as they do/to be as they are/to become who they are/to evolve as they did from where we on planet earth are now today to where they have since evolved.

it all starts with me one on one with myself realizing i am already unchangeable/eternal a child infant zon of the civilization of the universe.
as i one on one evolve towards my destiny goal of being once and for all an adult zon being of the civilization of the universe
i influence others along the way whether by word or by mark hamilton application or by wordless silent evolution of my being via the
recognize the dross/resist the dross/gain the knowledge/gain the experience/change more and more from a child infant zon towards a more adult zon_gaining great power and influence on others to be of like mind as i evolve towards full fledged zon of the civilization of the universe.

humans on planet earth are at a fork in the road and must choose a path. only 2 paths only 2 choices.
either evolve towards zon/god-man of the civilization of the universe or dry up shrivel towards null points forever blowing away.